Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
