Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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