i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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