Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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