i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
