made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize