C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
