i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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