K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
