rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
