Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
