you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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