no, he came in my armpit
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
