took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
