I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize