you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
