that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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