A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
