Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
