I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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