gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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