I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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