Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
