Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
