I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize