too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
if only i could text you this smell
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
