seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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