dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
