Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
