I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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