i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
