Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
