I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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