Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
