I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
