i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Nicole vs. Life
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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