I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
