i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
