i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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