I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
