I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
