I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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