I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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