I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
