fuck your aforementioned shoe
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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