I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
