i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Randomize
