I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
