I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
