i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
