I like my sex mixed with concussions.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
then he tried to convert me to islam
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
