Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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