You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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