I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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