remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
