I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
