Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
