I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
