I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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