No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
