just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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