Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
