Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
