Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
