I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
