Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
