i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
