and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
