capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
