I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
