I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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