Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
