You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
